As I grow in the Lord and He reveals more to me, I understand that my story is not just about a man who was addicted to drugs. Or about a man who lived in a tent during the coldest winters in Charlotte, NC. Or about a man who threw his hands up when trying to manage his own life and allowed state facilities and rehabs to run it for him for 20 years. My story is about a man who was desperately lost and seeking purpose and power in the things of this world. About a man who was undisciplined after years of chasing whatever made him feel comfort. About a victim of sexual and physical abuse. About a man who sought escape from the cruelty of this world in his own mind. I’m not going to spend a lot of time talking about those things either, because they are attached to a dead person. The person writing this now is alive, in Christ, with no fear of ever returning to that life.
I grew up going to church with my family and I can remember several experiences where I was intrigued about what I had heard. I didn’t quite understand how any of the messages applied to my life, and I sort of just discarded all of the information after I would leave Sunday school. One story in particular I remember was that of Jonah. It was memorable to a kid for a lot of reasons, but it meant so much to me later.
I was a troubled kid and had alot of early run ins with police. Stealing, drinking, and whatever else I could do to rebel against my family became normal life to me. I went into my first facility at 13. I was there for 2 years. And that began my institutionalization. It got to the point later in my life where I was more comfortable in institutions than in the real world.
In 2018, I was baptized at Ocean Isle Beach and something started to work on me that day. I didn’t know at the time that it was the Holy Spirit, I just knew it became harder and harder to do wrong. I returned to the life of drugs and homelessness, only to find myself absolutely empty. There were a few instances where the Father audibly spoke to me and said “go home”. But I ran and ran.
What I believe happened during my running is Jesus continued to work on me. My friend had overdosed in a hotel room and was about to die and I carried him to the parking lot to call 911. I had warrants and I knew my fate if I did this, but I couldn’t leave him to die. So I accepted my fate and on that day I finally surrendered to Jesus as Lord. I was extradited from Charlotte to Brunswick County to appear for warrants. While in there, I immediately got a copy of the Word and during the 4 hour lockdown each day I would read scripture and do push-ups. I learned about the unconditional love and grace that the Father showers on his children, that God had a purpose and plan for my life and that I wasn’t too far gone to be useful as a servant of Jesus Christ. One of the parables that He spoke stuck out to me, the prodigal son, because it says “while the son was still a long way off, the Father saw him and was filled with compassion. He ran, threw his arms around his neck and kissed him.” The Father actually ran to him, and there was no condemnation or punishment, but a warm welcome back to fellowship. I need a compassionate Father, because Lord knows I beat myself up enough for a life time.
Since then, I have had ups and downs in my walk. Moments of going back to world to chase one thing or another, only to find that the only meaningful and fulfilling thing in this life is the purpose that Jesus has for me. I always return to that purpose and am met with compassion and love from my Father. He is so good. One of the many fruits of this walk has been my sobriety, in which there is no struggle at all. Provided I stay in fellowship with Jesus. Anybody reading this, I pray right now that your run to the Father. He will meet you half way, like he did me. And find your purpose and follow it.
I was Jonah for so long. I had to learn that Gods way is the only good way. And I believe, like Jonah, God allowed me to learn that. He has never left me, good or bad, and I am forever grateful for this gift of salvation through Jesus Christ that he has lavished on me.
Cover Photo By Boba Jovanovic
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