Depression is a heavy burden that can make us question everything in our lives, including our faith. Our day to day lives, and emotions, are very fluid; things change in an instant, bringing about waves of emotions that sometimes last as long as a blink, and sometimes feelings linger. As Christians, we are often held to a higher standard, practically being expected to not experience negative emotions, as it reflects negatively on our faith. There is a stigma that we shouldn't feel prolonged grief when a loved one dies, or feel disappointment when we don't land the job we want or get passed over for the grand promotion we feel we deserve. We are wrongly expected to not have negative feelings, because others directly correlate those feelings to our faith.
In 2 Corinthians 12, Paul states that he was given a “thorn in his flesh - a messenger from Satan.” Here, thorn in the flesh can be a literal (physical) or a metaphorical (mental) impairment, same as with the translation of messenger from Satan. God responded by not removing the impairment, instead saying, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Whether you have a physical or mental affliction, rest assured that there is a greater picture, a bigger goal in mind. The way we view our afflictions, the way we interact with the world due to the afflictions around us, can be used for good. Our problems are ultimately meant to strengthen our faith and give Him the glory. Despite my depression and anxiety, I know that I have a God who is with me every step of the way, every minute of the day. God doesn’t love me less because of my afflictions. Depression doesn’t depreciate my relationship with God. Quite the opposite. The end of the verse in 2 Corinthians reads “Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” Notice here it says rest. The power of Christ, and the word rest itself, equates to peace. When we feel chaos, Jesus is the eye of the storm, waiting to bring reprieve. In my afflictions, I am pushed deeper into faith by constantly relying on the only one who can save me, Jesus.
I remember all of the emotions that surfaced during my season as a first-time mom. I was faced with many challenges and wrestled with feelings of disappointment and failure when I chose to resign from my high-paying job to care for my parents. I felt lost and unsure how many years down the line I would explain this decision to my children, and unsure of my worth now that I no longer had a traditional career. I felt disappointed that my degree and grand plans to become a “somebody” in the workforce had seemingly crumbled. Looking back on the events that have happened in the last several years, and embracing the title of stay-at-home mom, I didn't understand what was happening in my life. I didn't understand God’s plan then, and I still don’t fully understand God’s plan for me now, but my faith allows me to now reflect on those times of hardship and pain and say, “thank you God. I know you were paving the way for better things. I understand your plan now that it has come to fruition.” Even for those present day moments when I struggle, I trust the author of my story.
My husband checked in with me recently, asking how I was. Even though I find myself very blessed to have a full plate, I am only human and struggle with anxiety, depression, and being overwhelmed. As I pushed through all I was feeling and tried to explain, he quickly asked “what do you have to be depressed about?” It was a question that had no definite answer. A question that for many, has a thousand answers and none, all at once. Regardless of what I was able to annunciate, my faith reassures me of one answer. As a Christian, I know the feelings of depression and anxiety are lies from the devil - a ploy to discourage me and a feeble attempt to lessen my faith. I won’t allow Satan to steal my Savior’s glory. My faith tells me that I am loved and valued by God, even with my imperfections and struggles. Many Christian’s feel “less than” for having mental illness, but we must hold firm to the truth that anxiety and depression do not discriminate and can affect anyone, regardless of their faith. We have to use our afflictions, as God replied to Paul, to make His power shine in perfection.
If you are struggling with faith and mental illness, look to the many stories of hope and healing in the Bible. God created you just the way you are, down to the number of hairs on your head. He knows all of your struggles, even before you get to them. You are not alone in whatever you are struggling with. Your mental health matters. And guess what - HE LOVES YOU AS YOU ARE. Allow your weakness to showcase His glory.
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