John 5:24 - "Most Assuredly, I say to you, "He who hears my word and believes in Him who sent me has everlasting life, and shall not come into judgment, but has passed from death into life."
Accountability. Hold accountable your freetime. I say again, hold accountable for your freetime. The bookwork and the rest of the curriculum here is a gateway to the knowledge of the word, your "Jesus starter kit." Set aside the outside world while you are here and work on you. What you do in your freetime is what's going to set in the most. For me, I grasp the most when its just me reading the word at my own pace.
Proverbs 27:17 - "Iron sharpens Iron, so a friend sharpens a friend." To me that means I have to, to some extent, hold myself accountable (to be iron) before I can sharpen iron or hold a friend accountable. Who you hang around, the kind of people you place yourself around will have a great influence on your mindset and what you will be doing. If you hang around five successful people, chances are you will be the sixth. If you hang around turds, well eventually, you will smell like one. Life is a chess match, especially for people caught up in the sin of addiction. You can let God be your king and protect Him with everything and win, or let addiction and sin be king and die. This is your choice and yours alone. Are you teachable? Will you be accountable? Before you decide, I'll leave you with this: Romans 6:23 - "for the wages of sin is death. But the free gift of God is eternal life through Christ. Jesus is Lord."
My mom and dad were both trapped in the sin of addiction well before me and my sisters were born. They loved us very much, they just struggled.I don't remember much before I was five, maybe some arguments as my dad and mom were on and off. One morning I woke up to the first of many traumatic events in my life, my older sister was being molested by my mom's boyfriend at the time. I don't remember my baby sister being there, she may have not been born yet. When I was nine, my mom was killed robbing drug dealers. It devastated my already addicted dad. At this time I was living with my grandma, uncle, two sisters, and a step-grandfather that I did not get along with. He kicked me out when I was thirteen and I was put in a group home until I was kicked out and put in The Oaks Mental Institute because I tried to hurt someone really bad. My aunt, the woman that took the mother position in my life came and got me, took me off all the meds I was drowning in and began teaching me how to live. I was able to see my dad again, he talked about my mom everyday until he died of cirrhosis of the liver and Hep C.
When I was twenty five I met my first fiancé and after a couple years she got pregnant. We lost our son at birth. She was a good woman but she was hurting and I just didn't know how to love her the way she needed or deserved. I did things I wasn't proud of. She was killed when I was twenty eight. She pulled over on the side of the road and was hit by a truck. Some said suicide, some said accident. When I pulled up, she was laying lifeless in the middle of the road. After that I spiraled out of control in my addiction and hit rock bottom more than once. Eventually this landed me in prison. I didn't have the drugs that I thought were filling a void in me so I went back to what I knew from childhood, just full of anger and hate. I quickly got the attention of a gang I started running around with. By the time I got out of prison, I thanked God I got to see and talk to my son and realized that's not what he or I needed.
I've been off and on maintenance for at least ten years since my first fiancee Alicia died. I'm here to tell you, maintenance for drugs is a lie, a deception, at most a temporary bandage that will eventually fall off and have you right back where you started - chasing a temporary high. I've overdosed at least nine times since I started "maintenance.” The last time I was on Suboxone for two years before I relapsed. I died three times in the first week of my relapse. By the grace of God, I'm still alive. I want to live. I want to play with my two beautiful kids and see them grow up. I want to see my wife smile, cook her breakfast in bed, and take her to fancy places. I want to live!!! I have hope.
Me and my wife struggle together. Sometimes one more than another. She has been my rock, and I hers. But, I have hope. This sin of addiction can be beaten. I pray the Lord will show me how to love her in all the ways she needs. My hope comes from the fact that I am alive, standing here now. Something or someone has intervened in my life too many times for it to be coincidence or chance. The only one I've ever heard of with that power is God. My seed has been planted. NEVER GIVE UP HOPE.
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