My best friend called. She lives across the country, so I knew something was up. There isn't much we don't know about each other, but this conversation held its own heaviness. Her words stood out and hit like a ton of bricks…“I’m tired. I’m just so tired.” It resonated.
The past few years have been a deeply challenging journey through the shadows of grief. While navigating this difficult terrain, I've had to simultaneously manage the everyday demands of life. I've learned to embrace motherhood while accepting the loss of my own mother. I've deepened my understanding of what it means to be a supportive wife, friend, and sister while navigating the complexities of caregiving for someone with a progressive disease. My blog has served as a valuable outlet, allowing me to connect with others and find solace in our shared experiences and faith. I've learned to rely on my own strength and resilience. Despite my faith and best efforts, I too found myself wondering how much longer I would have to face these continuous obstacles.
I had hit a low recently, at any given moment expecting the sky to fall. I found myself facing the same doubts that my friend had earlier chanted into the phone. As the New Year approached, everything felt entirely overwhelming. On the simplest of days, a step forward seemed to be too much. With a smile on my face, I practiced deep breathing, recited Bible verses and sang worship songs, knowing that there would be no acknowledgment of my feeble attempts to regulate myself. Over and over again, I impatiently rebuked the devil. In the pause, I remembered Jesus.
As Luke recounts, Jesus himself faced great anxiety prior to being captured at the Mount of Olives. Luke, capturing the intensity of what Jesus was feeling, states that Jesus was in (emotional) agony, praying most sincerely, and sweating drops like blood (alluding to a physical condition brought on by extreme anguish). Matthew recalls that Jesus fell to His face, begging in despair for another way out, while ultimately understanding that there was no other way (Matthew 26). Jesus knew what lay before Him, and still, He was overcome. If the Son of God experienced these emotions, it should come as no surprise that we will inevitably feel them too.
What do we do when everything is overwhelming?
Have a verse on hand to recite.
My go-to verses on my darkest days are 1 Peter 5:7 - “cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you” and John 14:27 - “the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don’t be troubled or afraid.” Calling Jesus my Savior doesn't promise me a life without pain, but anchoring myself to the hope and love that only His word can provide eases my weary heart.
Change your environment.
As we see in Matthew, Jesus went to a different location to help clear His mind. Go for a walk, take in fresh air and enjoy nature. A change of scenery can help to ease your mind and change your perspective.
Consider your health.
Sometimes, our mental health is not a spiritual symptom, but a physical symptom. The things we put in our body directly impact our mental health. Make sure you are not eating processed foods, limiting caffeine, changing hormone levels (example, post-partum). You can talk with a professional doctor or therapist if you have concerns.
With Jesus, my life isn’t my own, but a glorious story that He created. Like wildflowers growing amongst weeds, my story is one that He sowed seed by seed. There are many seeds of hardship, but there are also many seeds of His victories. I’ve had to surrender and lean into the unknown more times than not, but I always come out the other side, basking in son-shine. I’ve learned to trust Him, especially when I can’t see a way forward. My life is a story of the power of resilience, and a testimony to His mercy. I know that as long as I hold my faith close, with Jesus, I will continue to find hope in the everyday.
Last week at church we sang “God is still good.” I held my brother’s arm as tears flowed from my tired eyes. The lyrics bellowed from my soul...
“God is still good when the waves roll high, God is still good all through the night, when I’ve done all I can and I don’t understand, God is still good. Clouds of doubt may darken my way but showers of blessing may come any day, He’ll bring me through and I’ll stand and say, God is still good.”
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